I'm at somewhat of an impass. I haven't a clue which way to go or why. I'm constantly trying to make others happy, make them smile, make them feel like they matter. But why? Well, because that's what "I" want. I want someone to go out of their way to make ME happy...to make me feel special to make me feel like I matter. I want to be loved...to the point of thinking my heart will simply explode. I want to know what its like to feel safe in someones arms. I want to be reminded of how good it feels to look into the eyes of the someone I want to see everyday and say the words I love you...
Why is this far out of my reach? What am I doing wrong? What exactly do you want from me?
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Friday, July 30, 2010
Hello, is this thing on?
Hi, I'm Kelly and I'm a fat girl.
When did I become a fat girl? Oh, its been years, I just IMAGINED myself thin until about 2 years ago and then I accepted the ugly truth and took on the word FAT.
Why am I fat? The quick answer is "Hell if I know". The excuse is "I suffer from depression. My medication makes me eat and I'm just so tired I just can't do anything but sleep." To this I say BLAH, BLAH, Freakin' BLAH!
I'm done with it...the excuses, the "What Ifs" and "I'll start tomorrows" and the "this is my last ice cream for the summer". If I continue with it I swear it will never end.
I've tried diet pills, both over the counter and prescribed by a doctor. I've tried shakes and diets galore. Have I had any luck? A littel here and there but nothing to write home about.
I'm an avid watcher of the Biggest Loser and Celebrity Fit Club. BUT, I'm also the girl that watches it and eats a milkshake while thinking to herself "If only I could work out every day with a personal trainer I could be thin too." Thing is, I would FIRST have to cut the crap and come clean about why I am the way I am and why I allowed myself to get here.
So, here I am, reading Ali Vincent's book "Believe It, Be It" and there are some interesting points. Points I think I'll share with you and discuss.
Today Ali says: "NO MORE EXCUSES"! She goes on to say that when we make excused we aren't excusing ourselves or anyone else for that matter. So, why make them in the first place? We have to learn to be proud of the choices we make and to be able to say "Next time I'll do better" when we screw up.
So, what do you think? Can YOU be ok with the choices you make and forgive yourself when you make a mistake? Maybe we should try writing down our excuses every time we think we need to use one. I bethca by the time we are done we have one heck of an excuse book and I'm sure there will some good ones in there too.
Let's make that a goal...an excuse book...and then, let's THROW THE EXCUSES OUT THE WINDOW...we don't need them...they do nothing for us and we get NOTHING from them except MORE EXCUSES.
I think you can do it...thing is, can I? I guess we shall see...
Kelly
When did I become a fat girl? Oh, its been years, I just IMAGINED myself thin until about 2 years ago and then I accepted the ugly truth and took on the word FAT.
Why am I fat? The quick answer is "Hell if I know". The excuse is "I suffer from depression. My medication makes me eat and I'm just so tired I just can't do anything but sleep." To this I say BLAH, BLAH, Freakin' BLAH!
I'm done with it...the excuses, the "What Ifs" and "I'll start tomorrows" and the "this is my last ice cream for the summer". If I continue with it I swear it will never end.
I've tried diet pills, both over the counter and prescribed by a doctor. I've tried shakes and diets galore. Have I had any luck? A littel here and there but nothing to write home about.
I'm an avid watcher of the Biggest Loser and Celebrity Fit Club. BUT, I'm also the girl that watches it and eats a milkshake while thinking to herself "If only I could work out every day with a personal trainer I could be thin too." Thing is, I would FIRST have to cut the crap and come clean about why I am the way I am and why I allowed myself to get here.
So, here I am, reading Ali Vincent's book "Believe It, Be It" and there are some interesting points. Points I think I'll share with you and discuss.
Today Ali says: "NO MORE EXCUSES"! She goes on to say that when we make excused we aren't excusing ourselves or anyone else for that matter. So, why make them in the first place? We have to learn to be proud of the choices we make and to be able to say "Next time I'll do better" when we screw up.
So, what do you think? Can YOU be ok with the choices you make and forgive yourself when you make a mistake? Maybe we should try writing down our excuses every time we think we need to use one. I bethca by the time we are done we have one heck of an excuse book and I'm sure there will some good ones in there too.
Let's make that a goal...an excuse book...and then, let's THROW THE EXCUSES OUT THE WINDOW...we don't need them...they do nothing for us and we get NOTHING from them except MORE EXCUSES.
I think you can do it...thing is, can I? I guess we shall see...
Kelly
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